{"id":62,"date":"2017-02-03T14:21:50","date_gmt":"2017-02-03T14:21:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/?p=62"},"modified":"2017-06-22T09:21:43","modified_gmt":"2017-06-22T09:21:43","slug":"exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/","title":{"rendered":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Usually when I sit down to write a blog, I have a good idea where it\u2019s gonna go, but today I actually have no idea. I just know I need to put pen to paper.<\/span><\/p>\n

The last few weeks have been intense and since the start of the New Year, it has been non-stop. Busy with work, the start of a new side project called Soul Gathering in the City and an intense and emotional (and somewhat overdue) conversation with a family member. Generally, things have been moving at a million miles an hour and some of those things have been way out of my comfort zone.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, I love that pace and I am really, really grateful for all the above. But right now it feels different; like I\u2019m caught in limbo.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where I am right now is genuinely a manifestation of a three year journey since quitting my job and travelling to Mexico to reconnect with myself; to remember what I was good at, what I enjoyed, what made me, me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was living a life before then that was aligned only to what I thought I \u2018should\u2019 be doing and life choices that looked like they worked so well for everyone else. I walked blindly down the rabbit warren until eventually I burnt out, quitting everything and running to the other side of the world to work with horses (a childhood passion), live off grid and take a big gasp for air.<\/span><\/p>\n

My life has changed beyond recognition since then as has the way I feel in myself. But sat here now, it feels like I\u2019m almost at the end of that cycle and about to start a new one; it just requires me to step up.<\/span><\/p>\n

I love my life and am I doing what I love with every ounce of my being. I truly feel, for the first time, that I am living an authentic life. I often find myself driving along to a class, a meeting or to the shop to buy groceries for a retreat and squeeling out loud \u2018I LOVE MY LIIIIIFEEEE.’<\/span><\/p>\n

I have made peace with my childhood and my past, made peace with fear, made peace with the shackles of \u2018should\u2019, with who I am and what makes me happy, but there is something still to address and right now it feels like the hardest thing of all; my relationship with myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wholeheartedly love my <\/span>life<\/span><\/i>, but can I say I wholeheartedly love my <\/span>self<\/span><\/i>? And if the answer is no (and the answer is no) then how then can I really give the best of myself to my work, my relationships and to the life that I love?<\/span><\/p>\n

Intellectually, I know I am worthy of love, I deserve love and to become who I can be but I know through self observation and reflection, that self love and worth has always been my challenge.<\/span><\/p>\n

What recent events have unearthed is the realisation that somewhere deep down, there is an ego root so attached to staying small, so attached to a lack of self-worth, to a feeling that is accompanied with a voice reminding me \u2018who do you think you are\u2019 that it feels like I am unable to step forward. I just need to do it, but I can\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

This time last year, I couldn\u2019t even write a facebook status about my business idea, but with the encouragement of a friend, I eventually did. I felt exposed and had an attack of the ego almost immediately after (sweaty palms\/what will people think\/who do I think I am?) before finding a peace with myself and those doubts.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then next came sharing my writing through publishing blogs (my writing is shit\/people are going to mock me\/what are they saying behind my back? Who cares what I have to say anyway?)<\/span><\/p>\n

Then last week I stepped up to the next level when I sat with two amazing women on a stage to speak my truth to a room full of people. My face and my voice with nothing to hide behind. Me, exposed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I rode a wave of self doubt after that night and almost immediately slipped back into unconscious habits \u2013 \u2018Who was I to be sat there? Was what I said even helpful to others?Did I come across as arrogant?\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

The days after saw me reverting back to an old ego habit of trying to rearrange external parts in order to fix a feeling of inner unrest, clutching at or rejecting people or activities in an attempt to sooth the unconscious sense of lack – my lack within me.<\/span><\/p>\n

A week has now passed, the adrenaline has settled, I\u2019ve chewed the fat with a trusted friend, prioritised time for meditation and mindful practices which has led me to see clearly again and I know now that the only way to move forward, is to step forward.<\/span><\/p>\n

So last night, sat by the fire, I got out a giant sheet of card and a pot full of coloured pens and scribbled. Scribbled down my goals and purpose for Horizon Retreats, reminding myself of my \u2018why\u2019. Scribbled a list of daily personal actions I know to do to keep my mind balanced, body active and healthy and soul fulfilled and happy, along with my hopes, dreams and intentions.<\/span><\/p>\n

I took a long bath, cooked myself a delicious dinner and presented it beautifully on a plate as if I would to a guest of honour.<\/span><\/p>\n

I lit a candle and meditated to the crackling of the fire. I repeated affirmations of self-worth and self-love.<\/span><\/p>\n

When talking to a friend about all this the other night, they asked \u2018are you ready?\u2019 and at the time I couldn\u2019t answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

But sat here right now, I not only understand on an intellectual level, but I accept on the deepest level that self worth is not found in a person, place, job or activity. It is found within, and perhaps most importantly, the only thing that\u2019s holding me back from loving and valuing myself, is me.<\/span><\/p>\n

So right here, right now, I decide – I am ready. I surrender and I choose love.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Usually when I sit down to write a blog, I have a good idea where it\u2019s gonna go, but today I actually have no idea. I just know I need to put pen to paper. The last few weeks have been intense and since the start of the New Year, it has been non-stop. Busy […]<\/p>\n

Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":311,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nExposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Usually when I sit down to write a blog, I have a good idea where it\u2019s gonna go, but today I actually have no idea. I just know I need to put pen to paper. The last few weeks have been intense and since the start of the New Year, it has been non-stop. Busy […]Continue Reading\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Horizon Inspired\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Exposing-myself.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"760\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"428\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"fran verbeek\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"fran verbeek\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"fran verbeek\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/027fb230330c0f159ccd33d8aed6d509\"},\"headline\":\"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next)\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\"},\"wordCount\":1050,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Mindful thoughts\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\",\"name\":\"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next)\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/\",\"name\":\"Horizon Inspired\",\"description\":\"Joey Hulin - Author, Meditation & Retreat Leader\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Horizon Inspired\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/horizon-inspired-logo-print_black-symbol-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/horizon-inspired-logo-print_black-symbol-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":1970,\"caption\":\"Horizon Inspired\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/027fb230330c0f159ccd33d8aed6d509\",\"name\":\"fran verbeek\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/907e7dec31e3db9d0363166a42155840?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/907e7dec31e3db9d0363166a42155840?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"fran verbeek\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/author\/fran\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired","og_description":"Usually when I sit down to write a blog, I have a good idea where it\u2019s gonna go, but today I actually have no idea. I just know I need to put pen to paper. The last few weeks have been intense and since the start of the New Year, it has been non-stop. Busy […]Continue Reading","og_url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/","og_site_name":"Horizon Inspired","article_published_time":"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00","og_image":[{"width":760,"height":428,"url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Exposing-myself.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"fran verbeek","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"fran verbeek","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/"},"author":{"name":"fran verbeek","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/027fb230330c0f159ccd33d8aed6d509"},"headline":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next)","datePublished":"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00","dateModified":"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/"},"wordCount":1050,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization"},"articleSection":["Mindful thoughts"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/","url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/","name":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next) - Horizon Inspired","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#website"},"datePublished":"2017-02-03T14:21:50+00:00","dateModified":"2017-06-22T09:21:43+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/2017\/02\/03\/exposing-myself-and-what-happened-next\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Exposing Myself (And What Happened Next)"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/","name":"Horizon Inspired","description":"Joey Hulin - Author, Meditation & Retreat Leader","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#organization","name":"Horizon Inspired","url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/horizon-inspired-logo-print_black-symbol-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/horizon-inspired-logo-print_black-symbol-scaled.jpg","width":2560,"height":1970,"caption":"Horizon Inspired"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/027fb230330c0f159ccd33d8aed6d509","name":"fran verbeek","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/907e7dec31e3db9d0363166a42155840?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/907e7dec31e3db9d0363166a42155840?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"fran verbeek"},"url":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/author\/fran\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=62"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/311"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=62"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=62"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.horizoninspired.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=62"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}